PLANET FURY 6/27

'Anna Karenina' - Kiera Is No Garbo Posted: 27 Jun 2012 09:40 PM PDT If there are two things I love in the world, they are, in order, 1) Old Movies About Love Starring Really Amazing Actresses and 2) 19th Century Novels About Adultery That End Sadly. Do not fuck with my two things. Tolstoy's 19th Century Russian novel about the titular unhappily-married, seduced-by-true-love, and then hit-by-train (ooops, spoiler alert!) Anna Kareninais rivaled only perhaps by Flaubert's 19th Century French novel about an unhappily married, seduced-but-ends-badly woman named Madame Bovary. ButAnna Karenina has an entire chapter devoted to a dog's inner monologue so it is by far my favorite of the two. That being said, the story has been put to film several times, usually quite well. Artsy Fartsy, but beautiful-looking in a Baz-Luhrmann kind of way, this trailer for the 2012 new version of Anna Karenina from Joe Wright (Hanna) starring Kiera Knightley just doesn't quite live up to the predecessors. Why? Kiera has no personality. She just doesn't. Compare her to the understated and inward Garbo from 1935: Or compare her to the gorgeous and fiesty Vivien Leigh from 1948: (Can you believe there's no video of that shit online, anywhere? jees. I thought everything was online now): There's also a 1997 version with Sophie Marceau and Sean bean, but who cares about that one? Not only does Knightly bore me, but her dashing love interest Count Vronsky (played by the stone-faced, completely unattractive, mute Aaron Johnson) is just a big snore. Her cold husband, played by Jude Law, is actually really good. I mean, he fits. Who knew the prettier-than-most-girls Jude Law would end up being such a good character actor? I will see this because it has pretty dresses and someone gets hit by a train. I will wish it was Greta Garbo instead of Knightly the whole time, though. Oh! Check out this tacky poster: This is one of my favorite stories. Kiera Knightly is not a dazzling, charismatic, talented actress. I wish someone less bony were playing Anna. And in case you were wondering, she dies at the end. *Note, another good depressing 19th century novel about love is Camille by Alexandre Dumas, also depicted by Garbo in 1936. They better not redo this one and stick Kate Beckinsale in it.

'Frankenstein Enters Fray In Dracula VS. Robin Hood VS. Jekyll & Hyde ' Is A Real Headline Posted: 27 Jun 2012 09:08 PM PDT Mohawk Media is publishing a new comic book called Dracula VS. Robin Hood VS. Jekyll & Hyde, so says my email inbox, and Frankenstein will be included in the storyline. Of course. British writer Chris Bunting says "You will see Frankenstein in a way never portrayed. And this monster is not this issue's only legendary guest star, as a colossal character from the Robin Hood myth is also introduced." In a way never portrayed yet. I believe him. What I LOVE about this is that if The Asylum had a comic book, it would be Dracula VS. Robin Hood VS. Jekyll & Hyde, and Frankenstein would make an appearance. Mohawk media is the company behind the astoundingly well-written and well-thought-out Mr. T comic books, launched in 2008. Frankenstein will first appear in Dracula vs. Robin Hood vs. Jekyll & Hyde #3. And I did not make any of this up.